May 18th, 2007 by chibiusa17
i just came home from a tiring day - getting a duplicte of my lost driver’s license, jumping from one bank to the other, and finally buying a gift for a friend’s kid’s birthday. feeling the pain in my calf while climbing the stairs, i suddenly saw my desktop computer on satandy-by mode. i decided to immediately power it off before my mom knew it. however, the screen opened with my account on a certain gay site. i suddenly remember the guy i met roughly three weeks ago. moments we were together quickly flashed back. actually, as i wirte this entry, i remembered his touch. then again, i felt merely thinking about him was all wrong. after how he treated me, after how he talked to me over the phone, after he said his "in-your-face" lines when we talked, i realized… i was not worthy of such treatment. i did not ask him to change nor demand him to be the sweetest guy for me; i just wanted him to be the right guy for me - one of the first person to understand how i feel. it was hard at first to accept his attitude. i even tried confronting him about it but we ended up fighting. it happened again. this time we ended up agreeing to just accept each other’s flaws and continue adjusting with one another’s personality. just a day after, he acted the same way.
clueless i was when i got up one morning realizing i cannot stand his attitude. right there and then, i decided not to call nor text him anymore. should he contact me in any way, i do not know what to do. however, one thing i’m sure about… i do not like him anymore…
now, i think of him as somebody who just came along to teach me to be a stronger person…not to be a drama queen…and to GIVE IMPORTANCE TO MY SELF PRIOR ANYONE ELSE.
sh*t! i still cannot help not to wait for his call/text message. maybe i still like him. maybe i still want to be with him despite his attitude. maybe i can finally accept him as he is. maybe i would still love him. maybe i’m just overwhelmed with my feelings for him.
maybe…just maybe.
